The Home Care Story for Families and Loved Ones.
Posted: Wednesday, August 30, 2006
by straight talk
For the many people and families who home care a loved one this article will strike a core. For those who have no idea, you may want to take notice. Now certainly many just walk away from a loved one in their time of most need and vulnerability. Many people are left alone to do for themselves. They have become a Non Existent Person to the world and unfortunately even their families have forgotten them. Fortunately, there is also the other aspect for those who can afford it, provide nursing homes or other care facility options, especially where mental handicap has impaired memory or other capability to function and the burden on families is too severe. However, for those who hold to old traditions and values, or do not have any other options and for those who just practice who they say they are, Home Care is the option selected. However, how many realize the magnitude of what that commitment means? They do it until they either can't by any number of ways or until their loved one passes on.
Now in many cases the persons who are the caregivers who dress them each day but they are also nurse, health provider, cook and they care in all ways shapes and forms for the person. Equipment, expendables and assorted medical necessity items are a continued expense. You must also care for their mental well being as well as physical. It is a 7 x 24 hour job which consumes the givers life and those around them in total. Many times these people are the focus of contempt and scorn by the very people they are helping. That is multi faceted as to why this is present and is more common then not. The simplest of tasks can lead to conflict, words and heartache for all. The “why me" aspect is ever present and the “I want to die" one has to deal with often, along with the prayers for mercy and relief. That comes in many a situation. It can be harder on those cared for then those who are doing the care giving. A life of productivity and usefulness cut short, a feeling of hopelessness, of burden and of worthlessness all can come suddenly. The care taker is in effect taking away what the person has in many case always had - their independence. It is of itself an extremely emotional and stressful situation leading to the onset of depression, stress and physical breakdown for the caregiver and patient. Certainly, this is not the case in every situation but there are times when this happens regardless of the closeness or love in that home.
Now many will say if you can’t handle it why did you start in the first place? Well the answer is simple love, mercy, compassion and responsibility. There also comes the realization in my opinion that someone else, especially a business, and no matter how caring they profess, will not pay the attention needed to someone you care about. There is the issue of dignity and having a person stay in a loving environment, You do not have to like what you must do but you accept your responsibility and deal with it because it is the right thing to do. Believe me there is no one who likes cleaning waste multiple times a day, you just deal with it. We should all remember the CNA in the nursing home who does it all day long for multiple strangers and at minimum wage or slightly more. Don’t be so fast to ring that buzzer or complain. The numbers of patients just make the level of care exhausting.
One also must think of the wife or children who you can no longer spend time with. You become a shut in by law and love. A walk to the mailbox is the extent of your journey outside. No planned vacations, no special trips, no dinner for two, not even going shopping together in many a case. Your retirement spent in a walled environment. What stresses does this place on that child who wants you to come to their birthday party, that special trip you planned on taking, that dinner or weekend away with your children? Yes, the impact goes way beyond economic stress and hardship to the very core of your relationships. No job, no friends, no life as you dreamed or had.
Now once again we get back to why would anyone would do this? In my opinion and as a senior citizen as time marches on there will be fewer and fewer who take up this responsibility. The burden will have to fall to society and business. In that case as expenses mount there will need to be a business solution. The other factor from a business sense are facts many don’t think about. Caregivers at home do not create a burden for society but are actually saving money for society. It is a fact expenses at home are significantly less then in a facillity, yet, homecare is not looked at in that perspective. Those nursing homes and care facilities cost huge amounts of dollars and they are not in business to lose money. Yet every patient cared for at home creates a savings for the taxpayer and actually allows those in the business of care to be more effective because they have a smaller number to contend with.
Unfortunately, many of our leaders are wealthy and while good intentioned they will most likely never experience what the average family does. Therefore in my opinion, through no fault of their own, they do not have the total perspective necessary to recognize what is needed. Now don’t get me wrong we all have to thank God for Medicare and Medicaid and ones ability to pay for some insurance. But that falls far short of what is needed. There are many good people who want to help but are handicapped by extensive rules, regulations and government processes.
If God or fate allows you to get through life without that need then count your blessings. But should one day you find you need help, the only help you may receive is your faith. I hope you read this with the understanding that even those who you think will be there may not be when the time is at hand. Now is the time as many baby boomers start approaching those years of question to demand changes in Home Health Care. Write your representatives and place pressure on them to do what is the right thing to help families.
If you are close to this and what is written herein perhaps strikes a cord you want to pass it along to your representative and let them know the hardships you face each day. At the very least you will have convicted them before their God as to their position in life concerning this matter. The rest we leave to Him!
Robert T. Melaccio Sr. Copyright ©2006 Robert Melaccio
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)I believe this will be one of the defining issues of the next decade: how we handle the aging of our population. Will we continue to idolize our youth culture, or will we begin to embrace the aging process & treat our older generations with love, respect, and dignity. Increasingly families are being overburdened with the mental, emotional and physical toll incurred by caregiving. Especially those, who, as you mentioned, cannot afford private, professional help.Please log in to respond to this comment.I sincerely thank you for your comments. Certainly many are undergoing this very situation. Unfortunately, the word of the century, as I expressed, we must have people in government who have a real understanding of the hardships. Until the American voter makes the necessary changes this situation will in my opinion continue. Nov, 2006 is the month to press the point.Please log in to respond to this comment.
You have given me much to think about and moved me to action. I will write to my representatives and ask others to do so as well.Please log in to respond to this comment.I sincerely appreciate your comments. My wife and I never thought we would find ourselves in this situation. Writing your representative is a positive. In my opinion regardless of the party they are all the same. In my opinion voting them out is the only action that will send a clear message and move them to action. The only action anyone can take is to see that financial advisor asap! They are the only ones that can really help you plan effectively. Good luck and best wishes!Please log in to respond to this comment.
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