ADD and assorted children’s behavioral disorders.
Posted: Wednesday, August 06, 2008
by straight talk
The taboo of all, don't dare mention it as a parent. Well in my opinion Attention Deficit Disorder and many others seem to be a common well know reason attached for children's misbehavior these days. It is attached by many who do not know all the facts which are as varied as the words in this article. Once labeled as such it can impact a child greatly so parents are in fear of that happening. Yes, it impacts families significantly and it impacts those who must deal with those children at school or other activities. It impacts the children who must sit in class with that child and be literally interrupted on a continuous basis, taking time from their activity to take control of that child or children. Schools place these students in varied categories by diagnosis and have varied specialists to handle and teach them. Sometimes it is just a Sub who has little to no training handling these types. Regardless, all may be subject to verbal, threatening and even potential legal action by irate parents and the child and from those parents who have a child with a disorder and those who do not. Everyone wanting the best for their child. A very hard place for the school to be in.
Now I have had successful experiences dealing with a classes ranging in size of between 20 to 33 children with varied disorders and I have worked with handicapped children with severe situations. Ok, where are you skeptics, you may speak out. Yet the facts are the facts, period. Now those classes prior to my taking over were taught by professional teachers with years of experience behind them and they all walked away from it. I think much had to do with the high stress levels in such a class, the parents and potential legal ramifications. That was their career that could be in jeopardy, mine was, well I could walk at anytime. A big difference.
Yet I was successful, not bragging, just stating. Perhaps my being naive to many of the symptoms helped, who knows. Perhaps having a faith in God and prayer helped [that is my bet] and perhaps my concern for the children helped, yet I always seemed to get through, to actually teach, something many do not think Subs capable of and to help these kids. Yes and they responded. They actually sensed the interest and concern. Yes every skill as a business person, project leader, manager was used, listening, signs, symbols, non verbal communications was utilized consistently.
I remember about a month after taking over one such class as we passed by another group the teacher who had not known me asked "who's class is that"? When I stated who used to teach it, she said it can't be that group. It was that marked a difference. Not bragging, just as it was. Who did it, well the kids did it, those young adults, they did it. They had self esteem, they had responsibility, they had worth
.
Yes I have had many successes thanks be to God but what I found was a number of things that worked. A sincere interest in the child, a persistent and diversified teaching approach that included everyone, fixed responsibility on them to make choices, solicitation of help from the parents and professionals all contributed to helping those children.
Now I do not pretend to be a doctor or medical expert or even an educator except for my successes, but I do present what I have written to every parent facing the unknown. Does my child have a problem focusing, are they apt to be out of control, do they listen, etc and how will that impact their future?
So one might ask a few, yes just a few questions to start out. Now my own child went through the process. Actually tests indicated he was exceptionally smart but needed to be consistently challenged and if what was being taught wasn't to his interest he wondered. It impacted him in school severely since programs and knowledge at that time was limited. So much was lumped into a behavioral or maturity problems.
So how do you deal with all this as a parent? How do you identify the situation as it really is? Lets start with behavior. Sometimes a child who is not focused d can be overwhelming to everyone they are around and they do influence their peers to the extent they assume such actions. Kids will be kids and follow. Do you as a parent or guardian reward misbehavior arguments over what is done or not or how to handle it?
What do I mean, well "we'll see" to many a child equals "yes". "I'll think about it" means "yes", etc. "No", and then giving in is "yes". So the child takes this in and understands hey I can do this. Example, the child, I want chips now, no you can't have any, crying, disorder, angry, confrontation, finally exhausted you would rather hand them the chips with some "bargain", ok do this and I will do this. Score one for the child. No penalty or choice for their actions. Notice I said their choice. If I do this bad I lose this, if I listen I get this, choice? Yes you will pay for the tantrum, the hate words, the anger and if it doesn't pass then you know you need to get help for sure. It is a sign you need not ignore.
Off course there is always the noting that your child is not focused and the excuse that they are exceptional, bright, creative and they wonder from thought to thought when in fact they just ate their way through a bad of goodies, junk food and non nutritional snacks as a meal. Only to get a response he or she is never hungry and doesn't eat well" but they do eat this so that's why I give it to them.
So what is the end result of this? Well if your dealing with any of this take a hard look first at what you are doing. Be open to the possibility by ignoring it you may be harming your child's potential for life. . Research, look, observe, write down what you see, what happens with each incident. What the child responds to and most importantly how. This is most important if you decide to seek help. Ask your local school if they can point you to someone you can discuss this with. These days you do not have to turn to drugs and this is what keeps many parents away, that and money. However, if there is a physical or emotional or developmental problem you should not overlook it. Get professional help and listen. If you are skeptical or unsure about one is saying seek another but be open minded. A second opinion is not wrong it is in fact necessary.
In my opinion I have found that a child needs structure, and responsibility and you are in charge of both. In this day and wage what does that mean where the family is under attack from all angles? It means children left alone to fend and form their own rules and to be influenced by other children who may come from households who just may not have structure. Basically, you can allow the child to control you or vice versa. Easier said then done, of course. Yet once you start and you are persistent you should be able to get a better grip on things.
Finally as I said herein. At school I had resources to help me with the symptoms. The conditions never discussed, privacy you know. So as a teacher I walked in blind. I had to gain control of the entire class, and teach. Believe me it was three days of effort packed into one 6 hour day but it worked out.
All I am saying is investigate, seek help, and understand you child. Yes perhaps they are gifted, perhaps they have a disorder and perhaps it is just discipline but know one thing you know you can gain control and help that child by taking action.
I offer none of my success as a plan or claim that it will work for you. You must make the initiative to decide how you want to or not address this issue. Hey, I hope this helps you to decide if you do need help or to take control. Best wishes.
Robert T. Melaccio Sr. 2008 Copyright ©2008 Robert Melaccio Sr.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Hello Robert, Well expressed article. While my youngest had been clinically diagnosed, he also has been very well behaved. I could definitely relate with how both parents and teachers may not 'deal well' with the situation. The suggestions you have written are very real for this family. My youngest understands that "no" is no and "yes" is yes. He also is informed that healthy meals are a requirement and at snack time it is fruit or sometimes popcorn. I wish he would have had more teachers like you. He did have one teacher who was gifted to work with him and her other students as well. After we both spoke a few times (no threats ever of court action) she was able to focus on his needs. His failing grade at the time flew up to a B+ in record timing. She even sent him a thank you card at the end of the year. She told him how wonderful he was and how proud of him she was.Please log in to respond to this comment.Yes Michelle that is the key to success, working together and yes while there are many good teachers, there are also many who see their work as just a job. Sad but true. I have been rewarded by God so many times each time I walk about town and a child calls out my name or I meet them and they, yes they thank me. WOW no degree necessary. Thanks for your feedback. I struggled with trying to say the right things because of a very sensitive topic. Best wishes to you and yours, always, Robert.Please log in to respond to this comment.
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