Family, or as Italians Say “Familia” and Its Importance in Life.
Posted: Monday, November 06, 2006
by straight talk
The importance of family in Italian and really all ethic groups who teach strong family ties is in my opinion the key critical and essential factor in developing love, self-esteem and values in individuals. It certainly is in my opinion a major factor in the development of respect in individuals, even more so then church. However, the family unit has been under attack for years and in my opinion those who fostered the desire to break this essential unit of society has succeeded beyond their wildest expectations and they are now reaping what they have sown.
Now many blame this on the separation of families by distance. I do not agree with that opinion. Certainly my children grew up far away from our family. They did not know family members intimately. However, when visiting it was always a rich traditional experience. The patriarch was always at the center and given the highest respect. Children knew when grandpa said enough or stop by the look on the face or the removal of the belt from the waist. I myself never remember being hit by my dad or mom but we knew when they had enough. We got yelled at and punished [usually we had to sit until such time as we learned to behave] but not hit. Today they make that a big thing called "time out'" as if it was just discovered. Love for each other and the understanding that we are part of a unit unlike any other was the part of acceptance we all need and we took with us into life.
We were taught respect for our teachers and others, we had to go to church and if we dared talk back to anyone outside we really didn’t want to go home. Cursing was never heard in the house and when we ate we ate together. We never asked what else do you have? You ate or you passed, your choice but don’t cry about it.
You were never out sick from school and you never stayed home from work. You had a bank account where your money went and you didn’t have multiple pairs of shoes. If you had sneakers and dress shoes you were real lucky. You were taught loyalty, integrity and honesty and if you were taught anything else in my opinion you did not come from a loving familiy but a taking family.
You knew your neighbors and you never disrespected them. They were in effect acting parents when yours weren’t around. You never opened their “ice box" [refrigerator] and you never took anything unless they offered it too you. When you got iinto trouble you apologized and did what was right. Most of all as long as you lived in the house you contributed to that house. As soon as you met someone and wanted to get married they allowed you to direct your money that way.
Yet, best of all was the love, knowing everyone was always there for you no matter what. It was the anchor that many today do not have. To be able to reach out and say I need help and know someone is there with no questons asked and nothing expected is the root of pure love. It is also the point of jealousy that many will get angry over and cause you hurt because they want what you have and they will never have and have lost forever. It is sad but a fact of life today.
Now I am going to say something that is true but a lot of people won’t like. Yes, many have and had family but it wasn’t family as I am writing about. Many still have ‘"family" in the sense they meet for special occasions or holidays but there really is no closeness. After that everyone goes there own way. Households have no dad or perhaps he was never there, perhaps mom was hard on the kids. Perhaps it is and was a home where everyone looks out for themselves and aunts, uncles and close family didn’t exist unless they needed something.
Now in my opinion this is what many households and families are today if you can even call some environments families? Broken homes, living with people who aren’t your true parents by birth, step moms and dads, just plain live in boy friends or girls friends and kids who don’t know who is who. Yes the family nucleus is almost gone completely as it used to be. It is a group of people living together to try to gain that they never had.
Howevr, don't get me wrong this to can be a wonderful thing if they install the essentials of love, respect, caring for each other and as we always said sharing is caring! Family can be captured by those who truly want it!
Yet, in my opinion the sad part is that even families who still have an outward semblance of family and do all the outward things that people perceive as right and good they have grown hard and arrogant and cold. Yes, they stick together but as protection from everyone else and right or wrong they do not care as long as it comes out best for them. Yes, like the false Christian, they have all the outward appearances but they lack the key elements of love, compassion and respect.
That is why when people who still have these true family values go into the world and they are deceived into thinking others do until they find out the hard way that they are truly a minority and in many cases alone. Yes, they find out they are rather strange not belonging in this new world.They find it strange their thinking does not fit into this society and they find the road for friendship a hard path to travel. Much like the Christian who is in the world but not of the world they to are trapped in an ugly dark world order, which states “me", is the only thing that counts.
So what can one say. Judge the heart and the actions of the heart not the words or outward appearances . Those who have a decent and good heart will be there for you. They will shed a tear and help you. They will do more for you then you can ever do for them. However, make sure you look closely at the outward signs and symbols and if you question even the slightest thing then beware. That person can turn on you quickly when it is best for them. They will leave you cold and broken for their own interests.
Yes, the signs and symbols are there in their actions and deeds and yes words and how they think. Listen, observe and you will know because what does not sit well with you and in your heart is the warning. That which troubles your being is the red flag to become aware of. Look for those with the same values, beliefs and desires and you most likely will find someone who will not hurt you.
May God bless and help you as you walk this hard road of life.
Robert T. Melaccio Sr. Copyright ©2006 Robert Melaccio
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